Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Outed

As I turn the page back.....and read what leaked forth yesterday....I feel exposed.

The true state of my heart was outed.

My painfully immature longing for audience and affirmation - was laid out bare for you all - where eye and light hit heavy.

And that's good.

When light reaches a stronghold....it's grip is weakened.

How in the world the Holy Spirit got me to actually push publish for that post - I'll never know.

I would like to be recognized as the humble servant who works and toils joyfully - no back-pats needed. No fame flame to blow.

But reality and truth won out yesterday. I do desire constant confirmation and ongoing approval and total acceptance.

I knew this.

But now you do too.

And because of that - I already feel a bit more free....like the chains have been loosened.

Any tendency or sin that gets nurtured and fed in the dark places of our hearts  -  shrinks when light shines in.

Exposure is medicine.

The enemy likes for things to stay all tucked in and unseen - because when things fester in the dim - they feast..... and take you over.

So it's all good....and I'm glad.....but I do feel found out.

Oddly, I woke up this morning with an old hymn in my head.

Our holy God knew I'd need it. And I could just about cry as I copy this out here....at the care and tenderness and all out knowing of our Abba Father.

The song?

Just As I Am

Charlotte Elliot penned this piece when she had been "kept wakeful by distressing thoughts of her apparent uselessness".*

Further more....

 "these thoughts passed by a transition easy to imagine into a spiritual conflict, till she questioned the reality of her whole spiritual life, and wondered whether it were anything better after all than an illusion of the emotions, an illusion ready to be sorrowfully dispelled."*

But then....

"She gathered up in her soul the great certainties, not of her emotions, but of her salvation : her Lord, His power, His promise. And taking pen and paper from the table she deliberately set down in writing, for her own comfort, "the formulae of her faith." Hers was a heart which always tended to express its depths in verse. So in verse she restated to herself the Gospel of pardon, peace, and heaven."*

This Charlotte woman - I like her.

And the God we both long to gleam - His love overwhelms me this moment.

After all that spilling out - He would awaken me with verses ladled in verse by a lady who seems to  have struggled in a few of the same ways I do.

He's ever so sweet and aware of our every heart moan.

After the song woke me up this morning....I opened my inbox. And waiting for me there....was this:

"Many people that are not interested in minor things make comments such as, “I am just not a details person.” I am guilty. Here is a personal confession. I used to say the above statement precisely because I tied importance to fame and minor things were not important. Honestly, I wanted to be noticed. Even deeper though, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t forgotten. In fact, I think most people struggle with fame not even as much because they want to be known, but more because they are absolutely terrified they will be insignificant and forgotten." **

One of our pastors sends out an email every Wednesday - and the above quote is from today's. 

The need for fame
The longing for significance
The desire to be remembered

Familiar topics, eh?

At the end of my last post - I prayed that God would "meet me in the weaving." 

It's only been about 24 hours....and He already has.



**********************


*Just as I Am (hymn)." Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 11 Apr. 2013. Web. 13 Nov. 2013.
*Brownlie, John. [The Hymns and Hymn Writers of the Church Hymnary.]. London: Henry Frowde, 1911. N. pag. Print.

**Burger, Vernon. "Wandering And Wondering‏". Nov. 2013. E-mail.

4 comments:

  1. Katie, I think you have followers who are like me, who thought I was a follower, but now I think I was only a reader...does that make sense...lol...so I signed up with my email address...I hope that makes me a follower now. I LOVE it when God wakes me up with a song in my head, and heart. Just As I Am is one of my favorite hymns, and as I started singing it in my head, it brought me to tears. Thanks for sharing the reason behind the writing of the song, I can totally relate to the feelings. Miss you, but love reading your blog.

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    1. Thank you SO MUCH for signing up to get emails! Makes my day!

      And goodness....thank you for even caring to stop and read what's posted here :) I'm grateful!

      I hope you have a wonderful, revelation filled weekend - where God's love for you is very fresh and apparent!

      Blessings,
      Kate :)

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  2. I love your comments about strongholds and exposure and bringing things into the light. That is EXACTLY what God has been showing me the last few weeks and what the sermon series from gateway called "free indeed" is talking about. Talk about timing! God gave you those words friend! love ya!

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    1. Sweet Tiff. So glad that the Lord is using that sermon series to speak to you! And isn't it cool...how He will sometimes speak to us in themes? How He will run something by us and present some idea to us more than once? I love that. And I love you. Praying for you this weekend, friend :)

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